And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
