Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I could fuck to npr.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
