...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
