You really coming over, don't trick.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
