She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
