she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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