dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
