a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
