Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
