i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
