Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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