Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
