Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
