i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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