He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
