From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
