i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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