when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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