The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Walk of Shame today included voting.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
