You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
