I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Apparently you make a good broom.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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