Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
