Nicole vs. Life
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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