Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
