He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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