i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
