I bet he comes in French.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
