hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
