you didnt know i had herpes?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
