dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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