pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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