Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
