I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
