I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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