The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
