wat bout pragnant strippers??
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
