Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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