I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
