Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
