i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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