I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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