I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The power of my boobs compel you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
