Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
