I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize