What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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