Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
