The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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