So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
