I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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