i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
