Just fell off a train. Bad.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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