I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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