I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
