I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize
