you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
