Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
