yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
