her vagine was all disorganized.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
