Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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