I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
