Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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