Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
