Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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