god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
