If that was your dad, he is hot
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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