whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
